February 14, 2025

It is an honor and privilege to address the Abbey Community this morning in this Kearney Lecture. This is a community that my wife and I were members of for over 20 years and to which in our hearts we still belong.

Dedication: I would like to dedicate this talk to Father Paschal. He and I would often ride the recumbent bikes next to each other. Did you see him in there? He had the books going, and he’d be balancing his laptop. Athletic and intellectual at the same time! Quite a sight.

Rather than give you a history lecture, the school has asked me to talk about some of the experiences I have had in my 76 years and perhaps offer you some words of wisdom that might help you in your journey.

Hence, my subject for today: “Challenges & Choices.”

1. Challenge #1: The opportunity challenge. Are you taking full advantage of your academic, athletic, extracurricular, and spiritual opportunities here? Do you give your best or just the minimal?

One thing that immediately struck me when I began to work here 33 years ago: even the wise guys—the hoodlums—took academics seriously.

Speaking of hoodlums, would Andrew Thibeault please stand? Do students here who may not necessarily follow all the rules, still work hard academically? The student culture on academics: Students may smoke in the woods tonight but they will study like hell for tomorrow’s Latin test? Is it still “cool to concentrate”?

When I was a sophomore in high school, I enjoyed learning. I had done well freshman year, and so I decided to double-up on languages. Instead of taking just Latin II, I started studying German. My last name is German, my father’s father was born in Germany, and teachers told me that, given my interest in science, German was a better choice compared to French or Spanish.

I fell in love with German. I always did my German homework first. I took German II the following year. When I entered West Point, I was placed in the top section of Advanced German. I wound up studying it for my Political Science degrees in graduate school.

Fast forward, fifteen years later I found myself, in my last assignment in the Army, embedded in the German Army and also looking for a subject for my dissertation.

Quiz time: We arrived in West Germany in the summer 1989? What happened a few months later in November 1989? Yes, the Berlin Wall fell, followed by the unification of East and West Germany. I had my dissertation subject: How the West Germany Army took over the East German Army after Unification 1990. Students, 90% of my research was done in the German language.

This was all made possible because I was ready to work in high school, and to do a little bit more.

Choice #1: To do the minimal and get by, focusing more on the fun & games, or to work as hard as you possibly can—even in the subjects you do not like—and get the most out of this experience?

2. Challenge #2: The kindness challenge. I asked if it was still cool to concentrate here: Is it still “cool to be kind” here?

I had been here 7-8 years when we had a crisis in the leadership of the school. The details are not important. What counts was that I wrestled with leaving the Abbey. This was not an easy choice for me. Matters of high principle were involved. But on the other hand, I had grown to love working here: my colleagues on the faculty, the pace of the Abbey week, of the Abbey academic year. My wife had just been designated Director of Admissions. So, she’s going to stay and I am going to leave? How is that going to work?

A year or two before this, a new student arrived in my classroom a few weeks after the semester had begun. I believe it was Third Form Ancient Medieval History. So after the first week, in front of the class, I asked her about her first impressions of the school. Jennifer thought a moment and said: “Well, you hold doors for each other.”

One very important reason I stayed was the student culture: your desire to learn, but also your kindness to each other. Is it still cool to be kind here? Are you still kind and respectful to each other? Do you still “hold doors for each other”?

Choice #2: To be kind and respectful of each other, to behave in what I always liked to call, “the Abbey Way” or to be self-centered, selfish, and unkind?

3. Challenge # 3: The reading challenge.To read like hell!

Students, if I had to do it all over again, I would start my reading journey much earlier. When I was your age, I was a pretty good student; I finished pretty high in my high school class in Hasbrouck Heights, NJ. But I can’t say I developed early the habit of reading even though early on I developed a love for words. I read to complete my assignments. After that, I was playing sports, working at our town’s German Deli, and doing what else—chasing girls!

It probably changed when I was in my 20s and read Carl Sagan’s The Dragon’s of Eden: Speculations on the Evolution of Human Intelligence. He was an astrophysicist at Cornell University who received the Pulitzer Prize for this book in 1978. Do you know Neil deGrasse Tyson? May I ask Enyu Zhang to stand? You know of Tyson? Sagan was the Tyson of the late 20^th century.

Sagan’s book taught me how to wonder, to be curious. In this book he asks very interesting questions and—what I guess amazed me—he did not have the answers? This was an epiphany to me. Questions like: Do horses have glimmerings of patriotic fervor? Do dogs feel religious ecstasy for humans? Now those are very interesting questions to ponder.

Oh! The places that books have taken me. In the last month, books have taken me to the wonders of nature on land and under the sea at Makatea Island in French Polynesia (Richard Powers: Playground), to a dark and dank bomb shelter during the WW II Nazi Germany bombing of London (Erik Larsen: The Splendid and the Vile), and to life on the international space station (Samantha Harvey: Orbital). Amazing!

Not only does reading take us to other lands, peoples, and times, it helps generate empathy for people unlike us, something all of us need, but especially important to us Americans at this time.

And another key thing: Reading builds our vocabulary and helps us articulate our thoughts orally and in writing. Boys & girls, you cannot think without words. The more words in your vocab toolbox, the better you can think and can express yourself.

One thing that held me back was my mode of reading. I thought no matter what I was reading, I had to read every word. I felt it was my duty, once I began a book or an article on sports, to read every word or else I was a sinner. This was silly. I did not have what is called a flexible reading speed. I read everything at the same speed.

In case you are interested, I have sent to Mr. Zelden a list of books that have been important to me for one reason or another. (See below)

Choice #3: To read just enough or to read more than required. Try to develop early a flexible reading speed. Play sports, study hard, chase girls, and read on the side.

4. Challenge #4: The technology challenge. Do you let our magical technology control you or do you control it?

I try to work out 2-3 times each week at the Fitness Center, generally late morning. I am the guy with the Abbey sweat shirt and the Salve Regina sweatpants. Now I have met a few of you, but I could have met so many more of you.

Too often, the students have their phones in their hands and so there is a techno-wall between us. Now I do not want to preach to you, but let me say there is a real cost to you and me, to Abbey society, and society at large, when we are not present where our feet are. We kill serendipity.

What do I mean by that? We eliminate the possibility of our chance personal engagement and the good things which may flow from this?

May I ask Jimin Shon to stand? I spent one year of my life in your country, long ago before you were born. I was stationed near the DMZ just south of the Imjin Gang. I did not have much time off; however, I did get to Seoul a few times. I want to know what it is like now. Gamsahabnida (Thank you)

Who participates in Model UN? Which ones are you doing now?

Are you on the baseball team? How is the team doing? Can I take a look at your swing?

Who is interested in history? How can I help you?

Who is interested in political science? How can I help you?

Who is interested in the military? A military academy?  How can I help you?

So, be careful with the unscrupulous seduction of digital technology & social media. It gives us speed, convenience, optimization, and efficiency. But these are not necessarily the best values all the time. For example, some things in life—like love, like friendship, like growing a garden—take time to nurture and develop.

Choice #4: To control technology or to let technology control you? To be seduced and deluded by the easy, shallow human connections technology enables or to build true interpersonal connections which will last and will stand up in tough times? Will you give serendipity a chance?

5. Challenge #5: The Hero Challenge: Which people do you admire and would like to emulate? And not just people, what things are important to you?

About 25 years ago I attended a conference on Francis Bacon, the English philosopher and scientist of the 17^th century. The single most important experience occurred not in the formal sessions around the big table with some thirty learned individuals—mostly professors from various academic fields. It occurred during the coffee break in an informal discussion with a female professor from Canada. She said that she was not married; however, if she were and if she had children, she would move her family to the United States. I asked why. She said because in the United States we still believe in heroes, not so in her country.

In 399 BC the great Greek philosopher Socrates was executed for spreading radical ideas to the youth of Athens and for lack of respect for the ancient Greek gods. Rather than escaping when given the chance, he drank the hemlock poison. With his death, later Greek generations came to look at him as a hero quite different from their traditional heroes of military courage or athletic ability. This was a rather funny looking man with a pug nose and bow legs ….. who had the courage to die for the principles he believed in.

I wonder who your heroes are. What is your definition of a hero? Also, what things are your “heroes,” that is, what do you spend your time on? Thinking about? What do you spend your money on?

I hope and pray that during your time here you develop and clarify who your heroes are and what are the values and principles which guide your ethical code.

The Abbey will help you do this, something exceedingly important for the future. It can be an especially vexing question in our American culture and economy today which wants us—rather than human beings—to be commercial and techno-beings, interested more in our money and our data rather than or hearts and souls.

Choice #5: Look at yourself, look at the people you look up to. Look at the things that are important to you. Are they the right ones? Will they fortify you or fail you in the challenges of adult life?

Challenge #6: The God challenge: How do you think about God and about your relationship to God?

You knew this one was coming, right? I mean, this is Portsmouth Abbey School.

One of the great things I loved about teaching here was the ability to talk about God, carefully and respectfully, without fear of persecution.

You are awfully young and I have not heard about him in the media lately. Do you know the comedian, Charlie Day? He is in: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Did you know he attended Portsmouth Abbey? Yes, indeed. I taught him history; I believe it was US History.

Perhaps 12 years ago, the Abbey invited him back to speak to an assembly like this. He gave a nice talk and afterward, I approached him in the Dining Hall to say hello. I was pleasantly surprised that he remembered me very well, especially one thing I had said to his class which clearly resonated with him at that time. I told his class it was OK to challenge the religion you grew up with, not to blindly accept a religion forced on you. It’s OK to examine other religions.

Let me repeat that to you. At your age, I was asking questions about the Catholic faith I had grown up in, and the clergy I spoke with were not giving me adequate answers. So, for several years I became agnostic: I did not lose my faith in a Higher Power. I just wasn’t sure which set of beliefs made sense to me.

So just like with Charlie, let me offer you similar advice. We all must face the God question; and we all must decide if a personal relationship with God is possible or if it is all fairy tales.

Here you are immersed in one of the world’s major religions. Explore it. Get to know at least one of the monks. Ask him questions. I can tell you that without my belief in God, my life would have been very different. I know because I tried it.  

And one more thing it took me years to realize. This: (SMALL LEAP). You will never completely find your answers using your reason. I tried it many times. You will always need ultimately a LEAP OF FAITH.

Choice #6: Will you be open to God and a personal relationship to God or not? (Father Paschal is watching)

Conclusion:

In conclusion, I have presented you with six challenges:

• The Opportunity Challenge
• The Kindness Challenge
• The Reading Challenge
• The Technology Challenge
• The Hero Challenge
• The God Challenge

In facing these challenges, you will need to make choices. I hope and pray for you to face them with courage and determination to make the right choices to fortify you for the challenges of the future. Thank you.

Books Important to Dr. Zilian

1. The Odyssey (Homer)

2. The Last of the Mohicans (Cooper)

3. To Kill a Mockingbird (Lee)

4. The Source (Michener)

5. The Life of Pi (Martel)

6. The Dragons of Eden (Sagan)

7. Siddhartha (Hesse)

8. The Overstory (Powers)

9. Wind in the Willows (Grahame)

10. Braiding Sweetgrass (Kimmerer)

11. The Bible